1.) This essay rose to the top to me because of it resembles me the best. Shows the reader what kind of person I am and the obstacles that i have encountered and how I have overcome them.
2.) I think of the strong points in my essay is showing what defines me as a human being.
3.)Probably I need to work on organization and sentence structure.
4.) Is my conclusion powerful enough?
One of my all time good moments is when I here someone say, “Ziyad, that’s a great idea. I never would have thought of that.” this has the pleasant effect of making me feel that I can come up with a better idea, the better plan in getting things done. So I take pride in being a quick thinker. I like to get things done. I also feel a keen responsibility for taking charge of things to ensure that everyone does his/her assigned share, and on time.
A major factor that defines me is that I have a strong sense of community service and believe that we must give back to the world. I have been involved in a connections program at my school and find it very easy to gain the respect of adults around me. This has fed into my feelings of acting responsible for the needs and desires of my entire family. This is not to say that I allow them to take advantage of me being that I am very reliable and have a penchant for getting things done which of course they never fail to try to do. I know when to say no, when I feel that I’m being taken advantage of. Nevertheless, I’m not insensitive to the needs of others.
Part of this sense of responsibility stems from being the older twin and spending my life looking out for my younger brother by 16 minutes. Knowing that I was dependable. I always took responsibility for our welfare at school, outings, school trips, sports, activities or basically anytime we were away from our parents. I feel this responsibility is so engrained in me that it has become a second nature.
I have also had to live my childhood as one that has been characterized by me having had migraines. I can’t remember a school week going by in which I did not go to see the school nurse. Because of this I try to avoid pain or feed with eating food that makes me feel better. I am now working with a fitness trainer to work out and get rid of this bad habit, I’m glad to say that it has been my good fortune, to outgrow these childhood migraines.
I see a young man who takes his responsibilities seriously, and is striving to be the best that he can. I also see someone who is working to overcome an obstacle. I think you need to pick one thing to show us here. Will it be your determination not to let your migraines define you? Is it to show your quick thinking ability? Is it to show your responsibility in taking care of your brother? Pick one aspect of yourself, then flesh that out by using scenes and present-action language to allow the reader to better see and understand what you're talking about.
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